These days are confusing and scary and surreal.
I’m currently isolated at home with my three kids and my husband who leaves to go to work every few days. This week I have been on vacation time but next week I will have to actually schedule in work time around the chaos of my house.
This week it feels like March Break and we are living a fairly normal life, but without going into any other buildings. We have been bike riding every day and playing outside. We have gone for family walks and park visits. It’s lighthearted and easy on the surface.
The kids are happy and they shouldn’t have to feel anything else. In the back of my mind at all times, I have unsettling thoughts and something feels out of place. It’s eerie.
In times of unease and distress, it is always best to focus on the things that you do have control over. So this is where I’m at.
The kids are in bed and I’m left alone to a slightly messy house and another day that will be a repetition of the last six… or seventeen… I’ve lost track. The question that I ask myself is “what does tomorrow Erica need?”
No, literally, I walk around my house repeating that question to myself in order to keep my intentions clear. “What does tomorrow Erica need?”
She needs to wake up to a clutter free space so she can feel clear and not frustrated.
She needs to have a vague plan on what to do with the kids tomorrow. All day. Again. Maybe some colouring sheets ready or an activity strategically placed in the playroom, ready for a busy toddler.
She needs to finally see that god damned laundry put away.
She needs to wake up after enough sleep to get through the day with three kids, and mostly, with the added energy depleting anxiety that sits deep inside.
She needs quiet and peace to recharge.
Once I collect my thoughts and figure that much out, I move forward and I do what needs to be done. Some days what is needed is to march right up to bed and ignore everything. And that is okay too.
Do it for your tomorrow self. She will be grateful.
Yours in isolation,
Modern Mommy Brain
